First, stop playing by Gentleman’s Club rules. Stop being polite, even courtly, toward your opponent. Stop being civil. Stop being nice.
As with all human evolution, politics has advanced and improved with time. Integrity and character are Old School now. What’s New School? Street fighting, with a capital “S”.
For example, your opponent has 91 indictments. How many indictments do you have, Joe? Ok, almost had one over secure papers you left in your garage. But they passed on it, right? So, 91 to 0. And his approval ratings have gone up while yours have gone down.
Not good. Not good at all.
Your opponent has four court cases so far. How many court cases are you involved in? Zero, for crying out loud! ….No, no, no! Don’t even think of citing Hunter’s problems. He’s your son, not your alter ego.
Oh! Here’s another problem: How much did your opponent increase the national debt during his Presidency? 40.43%! That’s huge. And you? A paltry 8.79%!
Are you kidding?
And what did your opponent use the money for? He lowered taxes so much for the top 1% that their tax rate of 23% is actually lower than what the bottom half of American households pays, at 24.2%. See, that’s the way to do it! He gave the top 1% – you know, the people who fund campaigns – much more money, not to mention a way to express their gratitude toward him. It’s a win-win, for them and him.
And what did you do with your money? You helped everyone BUT the rich! During the the Covid pandemic you gave $1400 to low income people for food and rent, $300 a week for additional unemployment, $7.25 billion for small business loans, $128 billion for state educational agencies. Not to mention infrastructure and climate change investments.
Here’s the key to getting elected, Joe: spending unholy amounts of money, not on people, on ads and campaign events and PR. To do that you have to get unholy amounts of money, not from people who struggle to make ends meet, but from people who… have unholy amounts of money!!
Forget the little guy, for crying out loud!
Now, here’s the big key to success: LIE . All Presidents lie, but there are major league liars and minor league liars. The Washington Post counted 78 “misleading claims” by you in your first 100 days as President. That’s it! They counted 511 in your opponent’s first 100 days as President – over five times yours!. They counted 30,000 lies during his four years as President. Your numbers were so low the Post doesn’t even talk about them. No one does.
Remember the old adage “Bad press is better than no press”? You need press, Joe. Now!
Lying is a time honored tool of all politicians. Ignore it and your whole career is in peril. Look at what happened to Carter’s second term. Gone-zo!
Which is where you are headed right now. An early November poll of registered voters shows your opponent leading you by 49% to 45%.
Here’s the second key to success: insult everyone who supports your opponent. Use the words he uses to describe people who support you: “Sad”, “Corrupt”, “Crime loving”, “Crazy”, “Bad”, “Waste”, “Animal”, “Dishonest”, “Low Life”, “Dummy”, “No Talent”, “Fake”, and that gem from Hitler in the 1930’s , “Vermin”.
Finally, don’t bother with debates. They are so 20th Century. Talking about ideas, plans, and policies is … Z-Z-Z-Z-ZZZZ!! You get much farther with sneers and lies.
It’s time to stop being Mr. Nice Guy. Remember, the more you attack your opponent, the more your opponent has to defend himself, and the more time he’s on the defense, the less time he has to attack you or schmooze voters.
So, forget the old rules, Joe. It’s a new world. Forget dignity, integrity, and character. They don’t matter any more. Lie, cheat, steal – Those are the new rules. Pay attention or leave the stage.
Follow my advice and I guarantee you will get elected for a second term. How do I know? Who do think advised your opponent in 2015? If he had just paid me before I died, I wouldn’t be writing you now.
(Former Chief Counsel to Sen. Joseph McCarthy/Consigliere to Donald Trump)