It seems, every day, we only get one kind of news – political – and usually it’s about our dysfunctional government. Boring, huh.
So, to provide a little relief, here is some Other News – stories not about You Know Who, or his tweets, or his Supreme Court nominee. And not about his Demotractors, either.
* In East Orange, New Jersey, Wayne Carmichael, a drunken school bus driver, hit several cars, 2 traffic poles, and a hydrant on his route last Thursday. He incurred minor injuries, not to be confused with the 9 year old student who had no injuries, but did have a great excuse for not having his homework.
* Drunken Wayne’s school bus ride is not to be confused with the one in Valparaiso, Indiana, where the totally and completely sober bus driver, Joandrea McAttee, turned the wheel over to three kids, aged 11,13, and 17, while other kids on the bus videotaped the whole thing. No accidents, but Joandrea was arrested while picking up her paycheck later. First things first in Indiana, you know.
* Breaking NEWS! Meghan Markle (the Duchess of Sussex to you plebeians) actually did wear “something blue” at her wedding. A piece of the blue dress she wore on her first date with Harry was sewn into her wedding veil.
* The Grand Canyon bosses have refused to allow Will Smith to do a Bungee jump into the Canyon for his 50th birthday. The Navajo Nation will lend him one of their gorges instead. Who said Navajo’s aren’t fun?
* California businessman Rocky Del La Fuente ran in 9 primaries this year: Hawaii, California, Washington, Wyoming, Minnesota, Vermont, Rhode Island, Delaware, and Florida. He lost all 9, but boy did he rack up frequent flyer miles. And, yep, they were all legal because residency is only required after you’re elected. He says he’s running for President in 2020.
* In mid-July a teenager in Indonesia spent 49 days adrift in the Western Pacific Ocean. He was a lamplighter in a wooden fish trap or “rompong”. It had been anchored 78 miles off the coast of North Sulawesi when it broke loose and drifted 1200 miles into Indonesia waters before a Panamanian vessel saw it. He lived on rainwater and fish. Hey, enough about him; how was your summer?
* The waters off Oregon now have a season of low oxygen every year. It’s no threat to humans – yet. But it does kill off some sea creatures. A rare event in the 20th century, it happens every year now. But remember, there is no such thing as climate change.
* Have you heard of the $1 million dollar math problem? Me either. But there is one. It’s also called the Everest of Mathematics. I’ve heard of Everest. I have a friend who climbed it (she’s good at math, too, but that’s another column.) It involves prime numbers (those that can only be divided by themselves and 1). No one has been able to list them until now, maybe. Sir Michael Atiyah of Scotland’s University of Edinburgh claims to have developed the formula. But Jorgen Veisdal, of Norway’s University of Science and Technology thinks Sir Michael’s math is fuzzy. Stay tuned. The $1 million dollar award is offered by The Clay Mathematics Institute of Peterborough, New Hampshire. Not Amazon Prime.
* Beyonce’s former drummer, Kimberly Thompson, requested a restraining order against the singer for practicing “extreme witchcraft”, including “dark magic and “spells of sexual molestation”. A judge denied the order. Maybe it was the “extreme” part.
* Dunkin’ Doughnuts is dropping the “Doughnuts”. Fortunately, not the actual doughnuts, just the word. Dunkin’ folks say they want to be “beverage led” to “modernize the Dunkin’ experience”. Now I can dunk all kinds of things into my coffee: my sandwich, a Starbucks croissant, potatoes skins, the dog’s nose… I’ve felt so constrained all these years. Life is good!
* According to a Jenny Craig survey, people in a relationship gain 17 pounds during the first year and 36 pounds overall. Men out-gain women. Married men averaged 22 new pounds, women 13. I guess according to Jenny (who was married), you can be happy or skinny – your choice.
That’s Other News for today. You can go back to the regular news now.
Oh! Wait! Almost forgot. President Trump may be considering a post-Presidential career in standup comedy. He did his first set at the UN Tuesday morning and, I am told, totally cracked up the audience.