12 Reasons To Wear A Mask

1) Look what it did for Batman and Robin. They got a TV series out of it – actually several over the years – and multiple movies, which made lots of people besides them rich, and made them very famous. They always got the best looking, nicest, smartest girls. They had fan clubs, free drinks at the local bar and, I’m pretty sure, never got audited by the IRS.

2) Wearing a mask covers most of your face, which means you can be really stupid and no-one will know it’s you. Wearing a mask at work is even better, because you can always claim Kevin or Lindsey (there’s always a Kevin or Lindsey at work) goofed up, not you.

3) It covers up bad teeth.

4) Women with masks don’t have to fuss about what color lipstick to wear.

5) You don’t have to brush your teeth or buy mouthwash.

6) Mommy or Daddy won’t wash your mouth out with soap for using nasty words, because they can’t be sure which kid used the nasty words… unless you put the nasty words in writing. And if you do, you deserve it. 

7) You never have to wear dentures again. Just order soup.

8) It improves your chances of picking up pretty girls. How can they tell if you’re ugly?  

9) It improves your chances of picking up handsome guys. How can they tell if you’re ugly?  

10) You can rob banks or stores or little old ladies without being identified.

11) It neutralizes most recognition software, so flipping the bird at the local judge is much less dangerous. Although double masking might be safer.

12) It takes away a lot of the pain of looking in the mirror first thing in the morning.

Reasons to never, ever wear a mask:

1) You can really help spread Covid 19, not just to Pinko-Nazi-Socialist-Libs, but everyone…your neighbors, your kids, their teachers, friends, parents, grandparents, grandkids, restaurant workers, gig workers, … Oh! and healthcare workers, police, firefighters…really everyone! 

(If you like this, pass it on. If you don't, pass it on anyway. Why should you suffer alone?)