Republicans to start Master Class in Lying

Following recent attacks by Rep. Liz Cheney (R,- Wyoming) on the Big Lie about the election, and reiterating that skillful lying is the future of the Republican Party, Representative Kevin McCarthy announced today a new “Master Class in Lying”. The course is designed to train Republicans to lie imaginatively, effortlessly, and with purity of purpose. 

He broke the program into 5 categories: 1) The Big Lie, 2) Embellishing the Big Lie), 3) Lying about Lying, 4) Lying just to troll reporters, and 5) Lying because we can; we’re out of high school!

The Master instructor will be announced once Facebook reconsiders.

To show Republicans followers the effectiveness of lying succinctly and with a straight face, McCarthy checked all 5 categories immediately following his Wednesday meeting with President Biden at the White House with one master sentence: “I don’t think anybody is questioning the legitimacy of the presidential election.” 

Reporters immediately called their editors for guidance on whether to call that a “Lie”, an “Untruth”, a “Fabrication”, or an “Allegation”.  

“Who cares! Run it now!” The editors said. “We need clicks and eyeballs. Biden is boring.”

McCarthy’s announcement triggered enthusiastic applications from promising young House Republicans.

Among them: 

Rep. Paul Gosar (R-Ariz.), who had been blamed by his own family for helping incite the January 6 attack on the Capitol, nailed #1 by saying the rioters were “peaceful patriots” who had been “harassed”  by Federal Law Enforcement.

Rep. Andrew Clyde (R- Ga) qualified for #2 with “there was no insurrection” and  the video from that day looked like “a normal tourist visit.”

Rep. Buddy Carter (R-Ga) got a standing “O” on #3 by saying The Big Lie wasn’t about the Insurrection at all; it was Biden talking about bipartisanship.

All three got into the first Master Class.

Some Republicans have, sad to say, simply not met the high standards of admission to the Master Class.

Mitt Romney was barred from even applying.

Liz Cheney, daughter of ex-VP Cheney was deemed unteachable for blaming the (soon-to-be-named) Master for the attack on the Capital. She reacted like the spoiled elitist she is with this childish comment: “We must go forward based on truth. We cannot both embrace the big lie and embrace the Constitution”.

Then she killed any chance of reapplying next year with, “Remaining silent and ignoring the lie emboldens the liar.”  

“They’re hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know…”, said the Master.

Meanwhile McCarthy aides were enthusiastically recruiting students from Georgia, Arizona, Arkansas, Texas, Florida, Pennsyltuckey, and Upstate New York.

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